The ground trembled as the wildebeest stampeded across the savannah. Covered in glistening sweat, snorting furiously through their nostrils, they ran. Dust clouds swirled around them, obscuring many of them from view. The sound of their hooves was thunderous. You can feel the raw energy as the few thousand ungulates surged past like an unstoppable force. They ran in a mob and swarmed the savannah like a wave. They were unstoppable. They ran because they could.
Have you ever run before? Perhaps it was physically changing locations or maybe emotionally? Have you ever appeared to be confident and sure of life, you are actually hiding inside, unable and lacking the courage to let the world see you? You put on a front, multiple masks, and an air of indifference. You want to be accepted and at the same time, run and hide. You run to those who call and also run when the same people actually come to you. You feel unworthy and are always in awe and disbelief when something good happens to you.
You wear your heart on your sleeves and place the very same in your hands, approaching love and the world. You want to love and be loved but don’t know how. You carry hurt from your childhood, usually lacking affection of some sort. You are damaged. You hope to be fixed. You want to love but hurt instead. All you want is a sense of connection, a deeper feeling of acceptance and love. You carry a story of some sort, no one comes perfect and unblemished. You have been disappointed by people leaving you, either emotionally or physically. You feel like you are raging against life. No one understands, no one comprehends.
You feel you are fed scraps of affection. You are starving for real emotion. You feel the need to be strong, to appear dauntless, and ‘know your mind’. You follow your instincts, making all the seemingly right choices. You learn techniques to control your mind and thoughts. You are ashamed of exposing your thoughts to the world. You fear being judged. You do what you do best, you run. Every time you run, you feel safe but only for a moment as you can’t run from yourself. You seek to find comfort and familiarity. You lose your sense of self and run when that happens. You fail to see that all you had to do was to let go and accept. How do I know all these? That is because this is me. Can you relate?
On the other hand, I also know that my sovereign soul is infinite and all-encompassing. I know that life happens for me, not to me. Every single experience I had is to aid my growth. There are no mistakes. As painful as an experience can be, if I do not find the lesson, the pain may repeat and the experience wasted. I have run from places but found that I can never run from myself. All that I seek is well within me if only I stopped and listen. I had to let go before I fall.
Sometimes, I carry guilt for things that do not serve me. I feel I have to carry them because I felt responsible. Taking personal responsibility is important for it allows us to hold ourselves accountable. However, part of that responsibility also includes forgiveness. The hardest person to forgive is usually ourselves. To know all is to forgive all. Easier said than done. The burden we carry for our actions, choices, and past will continue to haunt us for a long time. That is where true strength is needed to forgive ourselves. I know that my past is not my future. Your past is a place to learn from, not a home to live in. To learn how to forgive ourselves is paramount for if we can’t do that, all other forgiveness is hypocritical and false.
In us, lies an immense strength that only can be exposed through great fire, trials, and tribulations. When we fail, our core is tested. How bad do you want this? How hungry are you? How deep is your pain? How committed are you to achieving your goals while seeking fulfilment? Anything less than pure hunger, desire and want to achieve what you want will result in suffering. Unexpressed potential turns into pain. So the question really is do you know what you want? Only until I found my goals and purpose did I realise that I am now able to live life as I see it, not what life presents me. I believe you will see that too.
So you can run. If you do, be sure to run towards where you want to go. Run towards your goals, not away from your fears. If you feel you are running because you want to run, you may find out that you may end up exactly where you were no matter how far or how much you ran. More importantly, realise that you are exactly where you need to be in your life and growth. Just look outwards and inwards to find out more about your journey. Adopt the Attitude of Gratitude to start a life full of constant wonder, amazement, fulfillment, and awe. We are only here on this planet for a brief moment. All you need is found in you. Learning is remembering. Find your wisdom in your inner child within you. Know that you had the answers already and you have merely forgotten them.
Remember that you can’t run away from yourself, no matter where you go. Wherever you go, there you are. Happiness is not found anywhere else apart from in your heart. If you have happiness, you have carried with you all along.
The wildebeest run because they are looking for water and better grass. If you are, why are you running?
‘You can’t run away from yourself.’ – Bob Marley